Tuesday, July 9, 2013

Saints Row 4: That's Definitely Not Obama in the White House



Something unexpected happened the other day:  I was watching the following stage demo for the yet to be released Saints Row 4 when a tear came unbidden to my eye.  Why?  Because it reminded me of when this great nation actually had a manly president.  Check it out:




"You think you could *$@! with my country?!?  This one is for Uncle Sam!"   Now that is a take charge and take names president!  Unfortunately, we are currently saddled with this guy instead:

Barak Barry Hussein Soetoro Soebarkah Obama...if that is your real name


Thanks a lot, effeminate America.

Could you imagine what would happen if aliens attacked during Obama's presidency?


He certainly wouldn't have ran for his guns - even if he had a pistol right in front of him he probably wouldn't be able to figure out which end causes the ouchies.  Rather, I suspect he would have defaulted to his standard response to every national crisis:

1) He would immediately throw a tantrum and start blaming everyone around him for the calamity:


2) Then he would poop his pants and immediately board Air Force One and disappear on one of his elaborate vacations, hoping that somebody else will have taken care of the problem by the time he gets back (I think President Soetoro bought Master Shake's book, Master Your Finances and Shake it Up).

3) If the alien invasion problem still persisted by the time he got back,  he would then go to the alien planet and launch an equally elaborate apology tour/vacation and blame his fellow Americans for causing the problem in the first place (the alien invasion was just a symptom of America's ill will for the galaxy, you see).   Assuming he succeeded in getting him and Michelle a reprieve by sacrificing the American people in their place (we are a downright mean country, after all), they would then contentedly wine and dine with our new alien overlords while the American people were served as the main entree.

Yeah, that is about how he would handle it.

I had to laugh (cry) when the one of the president's assistants in that vid said "We have a country to run, fun isn't part of the equation."  Somebody forgot to tell President Soebarkah that, what with his 976 hours of golf (twice the total amount of time he has spent in meetings dealing with America's ailing economy).  I mean, even a video game character has a better work ethic than the actual president of these United States!  However, I did think President Saint's statement that "I am the patron saint of America, and we should probably look into changing the Pledge of Allegiance to 'one nation under me'" did awfully sound like Obama Soebarkah. Shhh...don't let him hear or he might get ideas.

Now let's be honest here:  When it comes to a president who would meet alien invaders with a pistol in his hand and bravado on his lips, I think this guy:

Ronald Reagan

or this guy:

George W. Bush

would be the far more likely candidate than this guy:



and his "creepy ballerina" friends.

Sometimes it takes the farcical humor of a video game to bring the truth to light.

BTW:  If you never tried a Saint's game, I urge you to do so!  It is a shame that Volition decided to pitch Saints Row: The Third in the most bizarre way possible because the game is a masterpiece of open world action and humor.  Forget all the stuff you might have heard about it (particularly all those vids of buck-naked vixen characters that teenage boys seem to love uploading to YouTube) and just give it a try.  Wonderful stuff.  Can't wait for Saint's Row 4: The Anti-Obama Experience.  ;)

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